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The Ballad of Alpha, the Bull’s Bull, all geared
Sean Corrigan
(with regards to
Percy French ; for the tune, click here)
O the seekers of Profit are brash men and loud
To respond to a clamour to go short of gamma,
But doubts were made plain that the source of his gain
This wily old fox had seen all this before,
“The gains may come fleeter with lev’raged beta”
Then Alpha shot back, “Poor old fool, what you lack”
“Once you have one of those, well, then anything goes,”
The elder man snorted and brokers he shorted,
Then those hedge funds of Bear all began to leak air,
First the IKB shock, then a run on the Rock,
As the credit crunch spread, causing central bank dread,
No, as markets got tight, pulled down high-flying Kites,
Malcolm knew what that meant, that too much had been lent
“I’m cashed out, I’m ready – my nerve must be steady.”
But what of that other, who’d arb out his mother,
As the boom turned to bust, did his dreams turn to dust?
Sean Corrigan is Chief Investment Strategist for Diapason Commodities Management
BrookesNews.Com
Monday 31 December 2007
And quite unaccustomed to fear,
But the bravest by far in Connecticut’s crowd
Was Alpha the full Bull, all geared.
Or to buy all the debt in each tier,
To turn Two-and-Twenty to personal plenty,
Your man's Alpha, the Bull’s Bull, all geared.
Were not the decisions he made.
The one who blamed monet’ry settings insane
Was shrewd Malcolm McSteady McStaid.
Had survived more than one such ‘New Era’,
Knew the end of the boom would entail certain doom
For Alpha, the Bull’s Bull, the gearer.
“And the prime broker’s sure to be paid,”
“But the winner’s true share went to tortoise, not hare,”
Cautioned Malcolm McSsteady McStaid.
“Is a grasp of why this is a doddle.”
“It’s not à la mode to cite Graham and Dodd”
“But a quant-designed, back-tested model.”
“Your clients it’s easy to dazzle.”
“The costs are so meagre, for bankers are eager”
“To use you to circumvent Basel.”
Bought bullion, the bull run to fade.
“With markets this manic, we’re primed for a panic,”
Forecast Malcolm McSteady McStaid.
And default protection got dear,
Making private banks wince at the trials of Prince
And of Alpha, the full Bull, all geared.
From Rathgar to Riga a squeeze.
‘Gainst the run on the bank, Poacher-Gamekeeper Hank
Begged ex-customers their rates to freeze.
Crafty Malcolm’s conviction grew clear.
It wasn’t the gospel of Herr Marcus Ospel,
Or of Alpha, the Bull’s Bull, all geared.
As equity buyouts decayed,
Stricken bankers implored all the sovereign hoards,
To please, forthwith, ride to their aid.
To those who could never repay.
So, with ‘vigilance’ gone and the printing press on,
Stagflation must be on the way.
“My plans have been carefully laid:”
“When the blood starts to flow, then a–shopping I’ll go,”
Twinkled Malcolm McSteady McStaid.
Bold Alpha the full Bull, the gearer?
Did he once see the light, that old Malcolm was right,
That his ruin would ever come nearer?
Did he seek consolation in booze?
No, the beauty, you see, raking in all those fees,
Is that heads you win, tails you don’t lose!
Lausanne & London