How the ‘other half’ lives

Arlene Peck
BrookesNews.Com
Monday 24 April 2006

After writing lo these many years and becoming more and more alarmed and stressed with others who just don’t “get it,” my daughter finally told me: :Mom, either you need to go on medication... or you need to go on a cruise.” So, I am writing this while aboard the Queen Mary 2. I have been told that this is the largest and most luxurious ship ever built. According to the charming captain, Bernard Warner, if it weren't for an Israeli named Aronson, there wouldn’t even be a Queen Mary 2 sailing the seas at the moment.

The Arison family owns Carnival Cruise Lines and about a half dozen other cruise ship lines. With significant underwriting, they apparently saved the Cunard Line from going under At the time we had this conversation, I was sitting at the Captain’s Table enjoying my dinner and the surrounding ambiance.

I wanted to ask the Captain if Mr. Arison had a single, younger brother but I thought it might be a bit tacky. However, I think that I am the only single passenger on the ship. I did meet one single man at lunch yesterday but he was a priest. Does that count? He did seem to appreciate my telling him that all the men I meet are either gay, married or dead...sometimes all three.

Actually, the fun began even before setting sail. A luncheon was hosted by the British Business Association before the Queen Mary 2 set sail. I found myself “chatting” as they say with astronaut Buzz Aldrin, actors Michael York, and the very classy, Vidal Sassoon. Each of whom promised to be a guest on my television show when I return home.

I have been telling my kids for years that if I ever actually admitted to growing old, they should just book me onto a continuous Cunard cruise instead of into a home for the aged. Here, you are surrounded by beautiful scenery, great food, entertainment, doctors, etc. I have this vision of me in a walker saying, “Young man, which way to the disco?” Apparently, a lot of my shipmates are doing just that. There is about a one to one ratio of Ship’s personnel to passengers and many of those on board, I think, are at least one year younger that G-d. I feel like a teenager again in this crowd.

However, I have undoubtedly found the secret to inner calm. And folks, I think I might grow to like this new life style. There are all these chic shops on board. If you can afford them (and this crowd obviously can), it’s possible to shop till you drop. I almost fell over myself when I walked into the Hermes shop and saw several ‘bargain’ purses for only $7000. Damn! I started to tell the sales person that in Georgia where I hail from, “$7000 could buy you a car.” My hair salon in California charges $16.00 for a wash and set; Ship side... $79.00. But, for this group...not a problem.

I’m beginning to be able to tell the difference between the American and the British guests on board. The ones from the USA are more overweight, but our teeth look better. Speaking of weight, the food on board is almost too fabulous. The mantra is: when in doubt...EAT! I had to devise a plan to keep from going home so large my own shadow wouldn’t walk with me.

So here’s the plan:

1. Don’t use the elevators which are everywhere. From the moment I walked onto the QM2, I took the stairs.

2. No breakfast in the dining room. I knew that if I didn't follow this rule, I'd be ordering unhealthy meals like French toast, kippers and eggs or Eggs Benedict. 3. No midnight buffet. Ever!

Finally, 4. Use the gym. On board, the gym has all the “good machines” so this rule is easy to follow.

Arlene Peck is an internationally syndicated columnist and television talk show hostess. She travels extensively worldwide, reporting to her audience about political events, social happenings (Cannes Film Festival, London event for the Variety Club, etc.) and “must see” spots. If there is a place to see and be seen, she'll write about it for her international audience.

Arlene’s syndicated column is read weekly by millions and her television show (Wow! It's Arlene Peck!) can be seen throughout Southern California every Monday night.

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